Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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