his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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