So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
