We tried having a conversation with our noses.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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