I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
