everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
