Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I want to be your penis for a week.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
