hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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