I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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