There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
