My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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