Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
