I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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