i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
