I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
