burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
