wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
