And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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