if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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