so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Randomize
