why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
