Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
