She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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