I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
