the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
