I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
