I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
