shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
