3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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