In the future we'll all be gay
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
