call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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