bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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