if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
