I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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