Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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