I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
