He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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