I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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