guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
