I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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