I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
