I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
