I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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