I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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