I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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