he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize