the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
