I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
