Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
