I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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