Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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