I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
