Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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