i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
