Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
