The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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