I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
