I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
